It’s nearly the end of Curt’s* first year at varsity, and it is, finally beginning to get better.
This year hasn’t been an easy one for this new Rhodent. He had assumed that that he would quickly establish the life-long bonds that people love claiming one forms at university. But after leaving an incredibly tightly-knit group of high-school friends, nothing measured up. He did make friends, many of them, but no “family”, as he likes to call his close friends.
In the beginning of high school, he might have been described as a first class loser. But he resolved to change, and by matric he was adored by his friends, popular, a budding hockey player, honours student and head boy; the ideal student. Then he came to varsity and things fell apart.
Home has always been a place of conflict, with constant verbal wars being waged between himself and his manic depressive mother. He says that one of his greatest fears is becoming mentally unstable like her. “Am I also going to go crazy?” he ponders. Her illness has resulted in much internal conflict within the family, as well was what Curt considers to be the worst day of his school career.
The night before the prefects were to be announced, his mother and his sister, Kristal, had an argument. In spite, his mother, who had already received a letter informing her of her son’s achievement, forbade Kristel from going to school the next day. Not having the person whom Curt values more than any other at his special day, just ruined it for him completely. He realised then that all his achievements had been an attempt to impress his parents: a childish mother and a father whose conversation rarely extended beyond the issuing of chores. From that day on, he says he was “so over it”, and with his loss of motivation went much of his lust for life. The shining star student began to falter. Fortunately, his amazingly supportive group of six friends stuck by him, giving him the strength to push on.
It was in this despondent state that Curt came to Rhodes, and found himself completely and utterly alone.
“I know that I am a strong, well put-together young man” he says. “But my one fundamental flaw is that I am only that person around my family and friends”. His friends in particular kept him grounded, and without them, he has found staying true to himself impossible. He began cheating regularly on his boyfriend, getting drunk and stoned over and over again. He knew the problem was within himself, having nothing to do with external influences. Despite his many new friends, no one was near enough to dispel the settling gloom and despair that seeped into most every aspect of his life. Despite all its problems, he wanted home.
And so, in September, he finally opened up to his father, confessing that he had had enough and wanted to come home. But, instead of agreeing to this, his father suggested that his mother come down from Johannesburg for a visit. “She’d do that? For me?” Curt says, his lively eyes opening wide. “I couldn’t believe that my Mom would actually come down for a week, just to see me.” And she did. Despite his father’s fears that they might jump at each other’s throats, mother and son bonded as never before. Thanks to her encouragement, Curt now knows that he will have the strength to face next year.
The woman responsible for the worst day in his school career has now become a role model, saving him from himself.
When asked to describe himself, he pauses and picks at the grass absentmindedly. “I'll let u know when I figure that one out, because right now I can’t even explain myself to me, let alone you.” Looking up, he frowns slightly, considering the woman responsible for the worst day in his school career has now become a role model, saving him from himself. Then he adds, with a mischievous twinkle in his eye, “But time will change, and one day I will be able to look in the mirror two days in a row and see the same person.”
*name changed
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